Down But Not Out In SD

Sometimes you have to hit the bottom before you wake up. That feels pretty much what my life has been about over the past six months, hitting that bottom. And believe me when I say it's not much fun being down there. I haven't blogged in awhile but have decided to once again step up to my keyboard(eh, well sit down at my laptop) and start once again. One thing I have realized about the blogging, it really doesn't matter if others read, who blogs are most helpful to is the people typing them, if we allow them to be. It is a good time to be introspective and see what exactly our thought life and minds are dwelling on, and if we can be open in a blog setting then also what we have been spending(or wasting) our time doing.

So now that I finished heading down that rabbit trail, let me talk about what I have been doing with my life, or in actuality what I have been failing to do. All my life I have had a very nasty tendency to just dwell in the moment and not worry to much about long term consequences and ramifications to my actions. This has caused me to become a very poor steward of the material things and internal gifts that God has given to me. I always manage to skate by until these past six months, due to poor stewardship of the money God has given me I was yet another one of those idiot guys living pay check to pay check when I really didn't have to. To clarify, I am not calling someone an idiot who lives pay check to paycheck when they have to, but I am classifying those of us(myself included) who had the opportunity to save but instead chose to spend on things I didn't need which resulted in living paycheck to paycheck.

Then came the car problems, it started there and with various other unexpected monetary twists such as suddenly, due to being put on a poor job, making ten dollars an hour less then I was before. So all of a sudden because I failed to be a good steward with the money God had given me, I have no savings to cover myself when I lost all the money per hour from my pay rate which also resulted in not having the money to fix the car. You can see where this goes, it just gets worse and worse as bills build on bills.

Adding to all that, a sense of depression set in because of the money problems and something else followed that, a giant wedge has been driven between me and the God I love. In not following His commands to be a good steward with the things He has given me, I managed to go into debt, depression and feel emotionally separated from God. This also caused me to become very introverted, keeping my problems to myself and not wanting to be around others, not allowing my friends to pray for me and be there for me. I was to prideful to let anyone in, I didn't want others to see how badly I had messed up. So there you have it, poor stewardship followed by pride have left me spiritually crippled.

The beautiful part is though, now that I have come to terms with what I did to get myself in this situation, I know that God can and will help me get out of it if I turn to Him and follow His plan for my life. I fully believe this problem was put in my life for a reason, to show me just how crippling being a poor steward can be, to point out the pride in my life and if I allow God to work through me, if I run back to Him as a dear to water, then it will make me a stronger, more Godly person for it. So please keep me in your prayers friends and know that now that I have hit rock bottom, with Gods help I will climb out of this pit.

Tim Shrout

"Be killing sin, or sin will be killing you"- John Owen(one of the good dead guys)

Spiritual decay and renewal: The past six months.

So this is the first blog I have posted in a long, long time. A lot has changed in my life since the last one, I have moved out of the apartment and into a three bedroom house with a couple of roomies. I am also working 96 miles from where I live which is a bit of a drive each day but it is work. But what I wanted to talk about is where my spiritual walk has been over the past six months, or really where it has not been.

I have really experienced a disconnect in my walk with God. Some financial struggles that I have been experiencing impacted me in a big way in my actions. Instead of turning to God for strength to conquer my struggles I became depressed and started drinking to much which in turn led to other sin issues as well which drove a big wedge inbetween me and God. This self inflicted wedge effected me mentally and physically in my frame of mind and my actions. For the first time in my life I had no desire at all to go to church or even think about God. Even during struggles I have had in the past I still maintained a desire to go to church and discuss God with others. But not this time, my spiritual life was in serious decay.

It reached a point where I could no longer take this wedge I have put between me and God, I miss the intimacy with Him, I miss the relationship I have with Him. Over the past several weeks my desire for Him has been stirred, the fire and passion I once felt has been stoked again. While I have a long ways to go in removing this wedge, I know what I have to do and I will do it. My spiritual renewal has started.

My relationship with God is very real, and the depression and emptiness I feel without Him is incredibly frustrating. For all of you that read this, please keep me in your prayers that the spiritual renewal that has started in my life will continue and thrive. I want the intimate relationship God offers us, I cant continue this life without it. Without Him, this life just doesn't have meaning to me and it doesn't make sense. We were made to worship God, it is what makes us truly, and lastingly happy. He is the only thing in our life that will not let us down, even if we are not willing to accept that fact, it is true. I want to encourage all of you that feel broken, disheartened, overwhelmed or that are struggling to find what the purpose of this life is to turn to Jesus. Only He will never let you down, only when you experience the intimate relationship He offers us will this life ever truly make sense.

Tim Shrout

A Long Time Coming

So I haven't done one of these for awhile, a long while!  Tonight I am just giving an update, I last left you guys saying I was going to be in a Jits tourney.  I came in second place in my division so it went pretty well, though I had an injury to my neck that lasted quite awhile after that which is fully healed now.  I am training a lot recently, also attending carpenter school right now which is incredibly boring.  I was able to take a trip home recently and loved it, loved seeing my family again.  I am going to try and start blogging again regularly and tomorrow morning I am putting up a new blog on 1st Corinthians 15 which I have been looking forward to blogging about for awhile.  Talk to you guys then!

Tim

The Fig Tree, Do You Have Fruit In Your Life?

Tonight I wanted to share something that really impacted and challenged me recently, it is in Mark 11:13-14

Seeing at a distance a fig tree in leaf, He went to see if perhaps He would find anything on it; and when He came to it, He found nothing but leaves, for it was not the season for figs.  He said to it, "may no one ever eat fruit from you again!"  And His disciples were listening.

At first glance this might seem strange, okay so Jesus curses a fig tree because He was hungry and it didn't have fruit on it?  This is actually a figurative thing that He is saying, from a distance the fig tree looked good, so He got closer to it to partake of its fruit and realized there was none.  This is actually a parallel to us as Christians.  A lot of us can put on the Christian facade and look good, like we are living a Godly life from a distance.  So then someone gets to know us and realizes there is no fruit in our life.  Nothing to really show we have been affected by our relationship with God.  This is quite deadly for us, other christians and non believers.  For us because if we are truly christians, yet not showing any fruits of our faith then we cannot grow in our relationship with God and cannot affect anyones life in a positive way.  It is deadly to other christians in such as they see us and our good looking christian life from afar then often they will look to us to help disciple them, to keep them accountable and help them grow in their walk.  Then when in truth we have no fruit in our life and no growth, we will not be able to help them.  We can only help them walk down the fruitless path we are on, creating a whole generation of christians that just fit in with the rest of the world, failing to make an impact or a difference.  It hurts non christians as they see us claiming to be christians then see the way we live our lives.  They will think, these people are no different then us, who are they to claim that their way is right?  We poison their minds against christians and God, and fail to reach anyone for Christ, doing our part to send them on their path towards eternal separation with God.  Thus it is better to not claim to be a christian if we are not showing the fruit of our faith in our lives.  Jesus curses the fruitless tree so that it will never again bear fruit, that is how much God cannot stand a fruitless relationship because of the damage is causes and the hypocrisy of it.  

This greatly impacted me making me examine my life to see if I am showing the fruits of my relationship with God.  This is something we all should do, we must examine ourselves, be on constant guard.  If we are not showing the fruits of our faith, then there is a serious issue that must be addressed.  For our sakes, for the sake of other christians and for the sake of non believers everywhere, we must be growing in our walk, we must have fruit in our lives!  Lets not be like that fig tree!

First BJJ Tourney

So this coming sunday I have my first BJJ tourney.  It is called Choke Fest 2 and it is a California based tourney leading up to the west coast BJJ championship in March that I will also be in.  I am really stoked about it, I will be in the 170-185 weight class and cannot wait to see what its like and get my feet wet in the tourney world!

Tim

The Crayon Party

So we had an interesting party this past saturday night.  It was raining and one of the roomies decided to go back to our childhoods for some reason, so we had about 13 odd people over and aquired coloring books and rented a couple of old disney movies.  We now finally have art, a bunch of crayon whinney the pooh pictures all over the apartment.  Then we watched the disney movies, interesting random things to do on a rainy winter night.  Just thought I would share!  

Tim

The Foot

So yesterday at work I spent a lot of time sitting down on my knees trying to uncover some hardware from behind the concrete walls we pored.  I don't know exactly what happened, though I believe it is a pinched nerve,  but my left foot only moves one way right now.  It cannot rotate as it should and only moves to the right.  It is really annoying as its causing me to fall quite a bit and is forcing me to stop training at the gym while it heals.  It seems like I always have these stupid freak things happen to me!  I am hoping it is healthy enough for me to go back to the gym tomorrow.  To walk right now I have to lift my left leg high in the air so that the foot does not drag on the ground and I don't trip over it.  It looks and feels very foolish!  Anyways, thought I would share!

Tim